


Should Have Seen It (But I Didn't)

by DawnMalfoy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Kyungsoo, Cross-posted, F/M, Kai and Jongin are two different things, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Soomin | Taesoo, Psychological, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:36:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnMalfoy/pseuds/DawnMalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo should have seen it coming. He should have seen the signs. Should have noticed the symptoms of love. After all, he had it. He was in love.<br/>Now if only Kai and Jongin meant the same thing.<br/>If only Kyungsoo hadn't fallen in love with both. </p>
<p>Cross Posted from my AFF account of the same name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should Have Seen It (But I Didn't)

If he’s honest with himself  he saw it coming. Jongin had always been a great actor. In fact, if it hadn’t been for his age and for the image that SM had created for him, it would have been Jongin who had debuted as an actor first. The younger boy is so, so good at acting. They all have to be. D.o is not Kyungsoo, just as Kai is not Jongin.  

 

If he squints hard enough on stage, he can just about make out the writing on the boards in the crowd with the word “kaisoo”. It pierces his heart a little that even the fans can see that it is Jongin’s persona that is in love with him. That is is Kai who smiles at him as though Kyungsoo has become the singularity from which the universe erupted.  They can see right into his soul and see how it clenches when Kai smiles at him like that. They can somehow see that at some point, all of this has stopped being fake to him. Kyungsoo has allowed himself to be Kyungsoo at the same time as he is D.O. It’s rookie mistake number one. 

 

It’s too late to fix it. 

 

What hurts more are the nights where they’ll get home late from one schedule or another. When they’d first debuted Jongin would come into the kitchen and offer to help him cut up the vegetables or to help Kyungsoo fry the meat. He’d tell Kyungsoo not to bother cooking for the night and go out to order fried chicken for them all. Those nights were gone now. Kyungsoo wishes he hadn’t taken them so for granted. 

 

He supposes he should have known when Jongin started to get anxious about the time. The Jongin he was friends with,  _ the Jongin he had fallen in love with.  _ Was laid back and relaxed. He’d never hesitate to smile and nod if Kyungsoo asked him to stay after practice to help him with that one last part of the dance. Now Jongin never stayed around after practice and with Yixing in China, it meant that Kyungsoo had to spend long, punishing hours with the choreographer in the studio being screamed at for not understanding how to move fluidly. 

 

He should have seen it coming when F(x) had come back with Four Walls and Kai’s alarm had changed from the classic shrill bell to the chime of “love is four walls….”. Should have seen it when amongst the collage of the photos that hung on Jongin’s wall, Soojung’s photos got their own section. 

 

He should have seen it but he didn’t. He was blinded when Kai smiled at him like that in front of the fans. Blinded by the gentle way that Kai would wrap a hand around his waist to guide him away from bumping into the other members. Blinded by the way that Kai would bring up how thankful he was to his Kyungsoo hyung for looking after him. Kyungsoo was blinded because he wished that Kai was synonymous with Jongin. Blind with the desire for Kai to be someone real, rather than simply a construction of SM entertainment. An imagined ideal designed to make fangirls scream and empty their pockets. 

 

Kyungsoo should have known but he didn’t. Not until Jongin had sheepishly knocked on his door and asked for advice about asking someone out. Foolishly, his heart had skipped a beat. His palms had gone clammy, his mind blank. It wasn’t as if he’d never dated before. He’d fooled around with some girl group members. Taemin and he had been a thing long before he’d anticipated EXO’s debut and then a little after that. Of course shy, sweet Jongin had come to his more experienced hyung for help. 

 

He should have known on the night when Jongin had snuck into his room while he pretended to sleep to whisper a “Thank you for the advice, Hyung. I’m so happy she said yes”. He’d hoped beyond hope that it didn’t mean what he thought it did. Kyungsoo had become as deluded as the members claimed their fans were. 

 

But Kyungsoo didn’t know. Not until Jongin had sat them all down to announce that he would be absent from the dorm a lot more often. Not until Jongin had worn that beautiful, sappy, I’m-so-in-love smile that Kyungsoo had seen Kai direct towards him more times that he could care to count as he recalled how he had asked Jung Soojung. He didn’t know that Jongin had fallen for Soojung until Jongin was so far in that even a mention of the word crystal was enough to have him blushing. 

 

Kyungsoo hadn’t know, because he’d been swept up in the beautiful fantasy of it. The world in which he and Kai were in love. The world in which Kai would protect Kyungsoo from the wrath of the world. He too had fallen in the trap of Kai. Fallen into the trap of believing that Jongin and Kai were the same person. 

 

Kyungsoo had fallen for a role, one of many that Jongin played. 

 

He should have seen the trap as it wound it’s way around his heart, pressing tight until the pressure was enough to shatter it. 

 

_ But he didn’t.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this isn't hating on Kaistal at all. I honestly just love any excuse to write angst and well considering that Kaisoo was my otp for a very long time. If Kai is happy though and he and Krystal are dating happily, then well... live and let live?  
> It's good that he's dating and enjoying his youth. It's nice to see him doing something kind of normal. I'm sure Krystal is supporting him with his ankle injury at the moment as well, so it's nice to know that he has a wider support network. 
> 
> Anyway this is angst for the sake of angst and mourning. I might write more Kaisoo in the future (because even if Kaistal are confirmed you can't deny that Kaisoo would be an adorable couple). 
> 
> Anyway good luck and well wishes to Kaistal. I hope they find happiness and fulfillment in their relationship.


End file.
